limbo.

I haven't been feeling well lately. not in a sick manner but in a hazy dreamy way. Like i just don't think, I just feel and hear. I hear the people's conversations i feel the pressure of the water bottle i see books and words like fiction and romance. I feel like crying, like the sensation you get when you just feel sad. I'm not sure what to do.. I definitely feel like going for a walk. walks are nice, I like the breeze, the fresh air, the sunshine, the people. I like seeing and talking with people but I don't like the attention, I don't like when people start to notice me. I think that is why I like theatre because It is a way for me to interact with the players and with the audience without having to be me, instead it is fake, the emotions, the talking, ect. I feel like go go go but i stay stay stay I think that is why i'm sad it is a lazy sensation.. Like the other day I didn't really want to go even though it was good to go. like tonight is the class but i cannot go. i want to go but I'm not willing to fight for it. i am so tired so instead i'll just lie around. when i have kids ill make sure they are always occupied but not with tv and phone screens, with interactive things, things that make them use their mind and hands and voice and feet and . god i am to world's biggest self-pitter. there is a scene in David Copperfield where someone says to davvy not to feel bad about this one person because "she had never met someone who enjoyed being miserable so much." I guess I like it . I guess.